Change. It’s a word that can bring both excitement and dread, often in equal measure. For some of us, change feels like a natural step. There’s a clear knowing deep within that something in our life no longer aligns with who we truly are, so we step forward, confident in the decision. But for some of us, myself included, change doesn’t ask for permission, it comes knocking even when it wasn’t invited.
It’s hard to let go and invite change. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a friendship, or a certain lifestyle, the very idea of letting go can feel impossible. I sat with a therapist once who told me “you need to let go”.The frustration was overwhelming - what did that even mean? How would I let go of places, people, memories, or experiences that provided me not only comfort, but a roadmap to who I was and what my life was. But that’s just it isn’t it, we learn to hold on to things in our life because without them we feel utterly and completely lost. So what do we really hold on to?
We create safety and stability in familiarity. Our nervous system is wired to seek familiarity; healthy or unhealthy. What’s familiar to us becomes our compass, guiding us through life with a sense of predictability and control. That’s why change and the notion of letting go feels so difficult, it’s not just a mental block; it’s a physiological response. You can logically tell yourself that an aspect of your life no longer serves you, but your body is a survival mechanism, it will always seek what it knows in order to create what we might call an illusion of safety. The ego (which I will discuss in another post) plays a significant role here. For now, think of the ego as your sense of self; the inner voice that shapes how you view yourself, relate to others, and manage your desires and reality. The ego builds an identity around what is familiar; clinging to roles, relationships and patterns as if they define us. When we consider stepping outside of what we have always known, the ego resists, and not because we are incapable, but because it feels like a threat to our sense of self. The ego doesn’t differentiate between ‘comfortable’ and ‘good for us’. It just knows that change disrupts the version of reality it has carefully constructed. So when we start to venture into the unknown, our internal compass, shaped by conditioning, past experiences and societal expectations, begins to malfunction. It’s often why we find ourselves in repeating patterns, we are unconsciously drawn to what is familiar.
For years, I ignored the subtle - and not so subtle - signs that I was unfulfilled, and out of alignment with my Self. I had survived six years of study to reach the job I’d always dreamed of, I was in a long-term relationship with a partner I cared about, we secured our first home (and first fur baby). On paper, it was everything I thought I wanted. I was doing everything ‘right’ but still felt this deeper disconnection. Even when I had all the outward signs of success and a ‘happy’ life, I still carried this undeniable feeling that something wasn’t right. What I forgot to mention amidst all the success was the unaddressed trauma and emotional wounds from earlier years that were subtly shaping my choices and experiences.
What I didn’t understand at the time was that the mind, body, and spirit don’t necessarily sync up just because the external world looks good. This misalignment was being signalled to me through my body in the form of physical and mental symptoms, for me it was digestive issues, anxiety and depression. For years I dabbled in the medical model trying to figure out what was wrong with me. And for years I received the same feedback with little to no improvement in how I was feeling. It reached a point where I was unable to ignore the symptoms as they began to impact all parts of my life. I started seeking help, trying to make sense of my experience. Feeling completely hopeless, I began exploring modalities that integrated the connection between mind and body. I started to realise that my body was trying to communicate something much deeper. I needed to make change. But change doesn’t just involve shifting our thoughts it’s a full-body experience. We may convince ourselves with all the logic in the world that it’s time to let go of something or someone, yet we find ourselves still holding on. So why do we resist change, even when we become aware that it’s needed?
When we carry within us unresolved traumas, or unprocessed emotions, they become a part of our internal landscape that directs our navigation of the world. My experiences of trauma became a part of me, where I unconsciously made choices and decisions which brought me safety. After experiencing physical and emotional abandonment in childhood, I found myself unconsciously drawn to relationships where I had to work hard for love. On the surface, it seemed like I was choosing these connections freely, but deep down, my internal compass shaped by that unresolved trauma was guiding me toward what felt familiar. Seeking out these dynamics gave me a sense of control and safety because they mirrored the emotional patterns I had grown up with. It wasn’t until I recognised this pattern and processed the underlying emotions that I could begin to make choices from a place of self-awareness, rather than old wounds. When I started processing experiences, emotions and memories I had stored deep within, I was also breaking these moulds and dissolving the beliefs I had created about who I was.
When we try to shift gears and embrace change, our body reacts in ways that can feel uncomfortable or even threatening. The mind will often jump in with reasons why we should stay where we are, keeping us stuck in the known. The body may experience anxiety, discomfort, and even physical pain when it feels threatened by the unfamiliar. The ego also plays a role in how we approach change. It’s the part of us that’s connected to our identity. It says; I am this job, I am this relationship, I am this person. The ego clings to what is familiar because it equates the familiar with safety and control. When we step outside of the identity the ego has created for us, it feels like a loss of self. This is why the ego resists change so strongly. When we step into the unknown, we risk losing parts of ourselves, or so the ego believes. But in truth, change isn’t about losing who we are it’s about evolving into who we are meant to be. Change is a process of releasing versions of ourselves that were created from conditioning and making room for something more authentic. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that the ego isn’t bad, it’s a necessary part of survival. It provides protection. But when the ego assumes full control, it keeps us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. The key is learning to listen to the deeper wisdom of our bodies and soul, beyond the ego’s fear-based resistance.
When we ignore the mind-body connection, the body will often speak louder. It might start with subtle symptoms: a headache, feeling drained, or irritability. But if we continue to ignore these signals, the body will find more intense ways to get our attention. Our body knows when something isn’t right, but it’s up to us to listen. For me, my body started to speak in ways I couldn’t ignore. But it wasn’t until I learned to tune into these signals with compassion that I began to understand what they were truly saying. When we embrace change, we need to honour our body’s process. The nervous system doesn’t adjust to the unfamiliar overnight. It requires patience, self-compassion, and gentle support to feel safe in the unknown.
Change is hard, painful even. It shakes our very sense of stability and brings up fears we didn’t even know we had. But as we start to understand the connection between our mind, body, and soul, we see that change isn’t really about letting go. It’s about stepping into a more authentic version of ourselves. The discomfort isn’t a sign that we’re doing something wrong, it’s a sign that we’re moving towards alignment. The discomfort is simply the old layers shedding, making space for something truer, more aligned with who we truly are. It’s in those moments of discomfort that growth happens, and while it can feel unsettling, it’s also where the magic of transformation begins.
Love, WYSEbymonique